IMPORTANT NEWS UPDATE!

My friend Judy has apprised me of this important update that I thought I would pass along to you:

IMPORTANT NEWS UPDATE! IMPORTANT NEWS UPDATE! IMPORTANT

A recent study has indicated that fabric gives off certain Pheromones, that actually hypnotize women and cause them to purchase ungodly amounts. When stored in large quantities in enclosed spaces, the Pheromones (in the fabric) cause memory loss and induce the nesting syndrome therefore perpetuating the species (aka fabricus maximus). Sound tests have also revealed that these fabrics emit a very high-pitched sound, heard only by a select few breed of women known as quilters. When played backwards on an LP, the sounds are heard as chants "Buy Me" "Cut Me" "Sew Me"! Studies have also indicated that aliens have inhabited the earth helping to spread the effect that these fabrics have on the human population They are called fabric store clerks. It's also been my experience that these same Pheromones cause a pathological need to hide the fabrics away when taken home (or at least blended into the existing stash) and when asked by a significant other if the fabric is new, the reply is "I've had it for awhile".